These messages come from both Tom & I, although it is usually I that writes the too-long emails. I try to keep them focused on Mom & Dad, but today you get to hear about my own personal challenges. We have made every effort to think rationally & logically during this ordeal, and to deal with things as they occur. But I find myself faced with numerous things that are just beyond my control.

A lifetime ago, I saw a councilor regularly. She explained to me that some people learn to deal with crisis so well that they don't know how to cope without it. If they have no natural crisis, they create their own crisis. Through Rene Haller's experienced guidance, I learned to identify crisis, stop creating it, deal with it, and walk away from it whenever possible. Despite all this, I chose to become a School Bus Driver. And to this day, I claim to have the best kids in the county, & a big stick to prove it.

But now I am bombarded with crisis I cannot control, nor walk away from. It began with one moment in time and a 16-year-old girl I've never met. Mother Nature stepped up to ensure we struggle each time we travel. Being in Tulsa, knowing that my pipes are freezing at home & the horses haven't had an ice-free water trough for two months falls into this catagory. Having family & friends to help with these situations eases the mind, but the thoughts are still there to torment me. Airplane schedules are beyond my control. Losing contacts in a room with no light may not be completely out of my control, but when there's nothing I can do to find it, frustration sets in. I broke the key, but waiting on somebody else's schedule to fix it is beyond my control.

A favorite family author is C.J. Box, who happens to be local, right next door to us, in Cheyenne. He's one of those fellows that you can't put down once you pick him up. Each year we await the spring eagerly, to read his new book, in the Joe Pickett series. Tom introduced me to him, I shared him with Dad, after Dad finished one book he handed it on to Mom, & Morgan waited in line. Anyway, when you've read the entire available series (which simply MUST be read in order), you are hungry for more ... that's how I found his website. And at one point (just before going to a book signing -- which caused me to miss graduation last spring) I read his entire Tour Diary. It turns out to have been a very healthy thing indeed. It was his entry from 5/7/05 that saved my bacon. It's entitled "My friends at TSA." I am NOT a big flyer. I love my Mom a LOT, and I can prove it: I've been on three airplanes since the accident (our first trip to Tulsa included two charter flights. The first one had a minor radar problem, & with the weather the way it was, we turned back & ended up going out again an hour later on a plane that was twice as big as the first (which had less interior space than the inside of my full-sized conversion van).

There are a couple variables that probably sent me to the 'extra security' for my own personal metal scan & pat down. Mind you, leaving Mom, the weather, the stress over the problems with the motorhome, the very fact that I was flying, realizing that I risked losing a deeply personal valuable (the LOH pocketknife my parents gave me after they won it at an Oklahoma HOG Rally, if I remember correctly), which I stashed in my suitcase, trusting to the goodness of all mankind that it would be in my luggage when I got home, and several other things -- all combined to bring me to the brink of a serious emotional breakdown. (I have managed to get past it this time without causing damage to anyone or anything!) But having a one-way ticket that was purchased nearly two months earlier was a major red flag. I did almost loose my mind when I realized they'd also searched my luggage (not that it should have been unexpected, but it was), & I could not find the pocketknife ... which I just didn't search deep enough for ... I have it. I never lost my marbles getting through security (remember I had C.J. Box's knowledge that this happens to all good Americans sometimes), walking onto the plane (I would have called it smallish, if it hadn't been for those charters!), or taking off (with tears in my eyes, cause this really was leaving Mom).

The flight was fine. I found my luggage very quickly. I only had to wait a few minutes for June to pick me up. We had an enjoyable dinner at a new restaurant she wanted to try in Denver, Cinzzeti's, then I slept back to Burns.

The kids on my bus are well-behaved, despite themselves. But they are kids & my telling them that I have a zero-patience tolerance working doesn't always remind them to be quiet little angels! We work through that. I don't try to control them, I am in charge of them. And despite my lack of patience, they are all still alive -- I plan to keep it that way. I am always concerned about having a sub, & have rarely taken time off, simply because these kids are so important to me. But taking time off is now beyond my control. They have to have a sub. And they are to BEHAVE appropriately for every sub they get (silly dreamer, Val!). It has been hard on them, & when I tell them I have to leave again, they express their feelings. To this I must respond that everything we do has consequences, often ones that we will never realize. I am sure that the girl that hit my folks never thought about how a bunch of school bus kids in Wyoming would respond to her actions.
Our family has been beset with cell phone issues since this began. (Well, some of us always have these issues, but they have certainly multiplied.) Going over limit on our minutes (limits we never expected to even come close to), not having phone chargers, and losing phones. While these cell phones are so important to us, they fall right into the same cracks that the rest of our lives have fallen into. Shaun lost his phone (nobody that has ever met Shaun is surprised by this). We searched the van repeatedly. With 7 people & lots of baggage in a van, a lot of stuff gets lost! We never reported it, because we thought it was in the van. Finally, I talked Shaun into taking an older (previously lost but now found) phone & putting it back on his phone number. This took place while I was driving to Tulsa on December 27th. At the time I thought it was a pain in the spanking-spot (school bus appropriate wording) to be driving in the dark & taking down phone numbers, calling Verizon to get it switched, etc, etc, etc. But it was a fortunate thing that we did it when we did. Somebody had found Shaun's phone, & unlike the fella that found Tom's phone at a Kansas rest area, this somebody didn't call & let us know. He started using the phone December 24th at 1:50 in the morning. We made the switch on the 27th at 6:32 in the evening. In that time, the phone bill was run up $221.92. I don't even know anybody in Mexico. All calls were made from Tulsa, although we'd arrived home on the 22nd. I am in the process of reporting this, & trying to find out what can be done about it. But please do take this as a warning: if you don't know where your phone is, SUSPEND the phone number. It will be there when you need to reactivate it.

Of course, while I have been out-of-touch with reality, off in Tulsa-Land-Of-Ice, Tom & Deb have been taking care of business here at home. Again, we think we are nearly complete in handling the affairs of our parents, & then we open another envelope ...

I should share a few words on Mom before I close. She continues her Physical Therapy. For the last few days, Mom has sat in her Neuro-Chair, dizzy only at first, and is now eating her meals there. She eats a bit more each day. This morning she ate a half dozen bites of EGG! Mom is not a huge egg eater. Shelly is currently her nurse, and Mom has talked her into warm tea. She conned Shelly into a back rub (it's Shelly's own fault ... she used it as a bribe to get her into the Neuro-Chair!) She still receives her breathing treatments, the bed sores that had formed on her spanking-spot have been upgraded to better. In the morning she seems to be more confused, looking for her Momma. But as the day progress, her mind clears. Shelly says she enjoys Mom's sense of humor, saying that Mom is always making some off-the-wall comment.

Thanks for letting me vent. But now I've taken too much of your time, & I have business to attend to, so I must go. ~ Val & Tom